Let's talk about personal responsibility -
I have had periods in my life when I was angry, full of rage, I was bitter and the "whole world was out to get me". Yep - I was really, really pissed off with what life had given me.
I blamed EVERYONE - especially my mother for bringing me into such a cold, hard, unpleasant world. I blamed her for every single hurt I ever endured (because she was supposed to care for me, right?!). I blamed her for working 2-3 jobs at once so I never remember having a "stay at home mum" who cleaned, baked, wore pretty clothes and who would come to school concerts, award presentations and assemblies.
I blamed my teachers at school for not paying attention when I was being bullied and beaten up.
I blamed my friends for having "nicer things than me".
I blamed the world for the miserable life I was having.
One day I realised just how angry, bitter, resentful and jealous I was - I cannot remember when this awakening happened, perhaps it was when I became a Christian as a teen...perhaps earlier or perhaps later when I was seeing a therapist following a major breakdown and receiving treatment for severe PND. I can't remember.
What I do remember is when I started taking responsibility for my actions, behaviours and thoughts my life started to turn around.
I learned optimism. I learned gratitude. I learned that I am in control of my life and more importantly, I learned that I needed to take responsibility for my part in all the events in my life (good and bad).
It was a game-changer for me.
Taking personal responsibility is probably the single most beneficial action I have ever done and it has served me well.
When I screw up, I apologise - yep sometimes it's really bloody hard to do that, especially for me who HATES being wrong! I really loathe being wrong which is why I avoid it at all cost. Anyone who knows me knows that I absolutely despise being wrong - but I will always apologise when I realise my error.
One thing that has become apparent to me, particularly in this highly connected world of information overload is that there seems to be a shift away from taking ownership of one's actions and trying to push the blame to someone else.
'Everyone' is "offended", 'everyone' is looking for an excuse to be "outraged", 'everyone' is 'something' because of 'someone else'.
How about your own decisions, choices, actions? How about your personal responsibility? How about owning your screw ups just as much as your successes?
Take responsibility for your part in your life story - the good and the bad - and see how your life changes. Accept yourself for all that you are and see how your own potential grows. It takes time, it takes practice but it is so, so worth it.
I'll tell you a little story....I was recently cleaning out my shed and was selling several items via Facebook Buy Swap Sell sites and the Marketplace. One item was a set of roof racks I found in the shed - they'd come with a car I once owned and I'd never used them.
So I advertised them for sale and after a time this guy contacts me and offers me a price which I accepted. We made the arrangements for him to come to my house to collect them.
When he was here I showed him the roof racks, I showed him the plastic bag that had all the fittings and I told him the model car they came from. I explained that I'd never used them and that I presumed all the 'bits' (fittings) were there.
We chatted for a few minutes, he told me he'd been having a hard time after an injury and surgery, he hadn't worked for some time and that he was unemployed, etc. I made the appropriate comments about how that's not good, I'm sure things will improve, etc (quite frankly I could feel him trying to leach my energy) so I helped him put the roof racks in the car and wished him well.
He contacted me a few days later to tell me that the roof racks were wrong for his car and that there was a fitting tool missing.
He asked if he could return them for a refund - I said no on the basis that I'd given him all the information I had on the item and that I presumed all the pieces were there. He didn't check the bag of bits, nor did he double check that his car was the same as my car (TBH I really didn't pay much attention as I'd owned several models of the same kind of car).
When I told him that he couldn't return them, nor would I give him a refund he then tells me that I "need to consider my life choices".
Ummm...excuse ME?
I reminded him of one of the principles of sales "caveat emptor" (let the buyer beware) - I'd also said to him that I'd had similar experiences when buying items in that I had failed to check the items thoroughly before buying and had bought items that were broken or unsuitable for my purpose.
I also told him that when I had this experience I took responsibility for my part and "copped it on the chin", chalking it up to experience and a lesson learned.
He didn't like my response and started telling me about his terrible life. I cut him short by responding "you do not have exclusive rights on going through a shitty time - in the last year I have lost my mother, my dog, my cat, my marriage and other relationships". I also
I was angry. I was furious that this person would try to blame ME for their bad decision. ME! HOW DARE HE.
So I blocked him and bitched about it to a couple of my friends (incidentally one of whom is a lawyer, the other is studying law). Urgh!
So this week I have been advertising my Meet the Residents: An Interactive Ghost Encounter event and I noticed a comment from THIS GUY about how I owe him money (WTF). So I deleted his comment. Then I though to myself "I wonder if there has been any other comments?" and sure enough, there it was "I look forward to seeing you on Saturday" - so I deleted that comment and banned him from my business page.
Seriously, this guy needs to get a grip, build a bridge and get over it.
Yes - I could have simply agreed to refund him the money but I refuse to take responsibility for his irresponsibility.
I thought it interesting how this person is allowing themselves to be a victim of their own life - of course they are miserable, depressed and is going through a pretty shitty time. But that is not my fault, nor is it my problem.
I reflected on my own life when things were awful, really truly awful. My life only became better when I took ownership and responsibility.
I own my mistakes. I own my problems. I take full responsibility for my life.
I don't have a "perfect" life - I have good times and I have shitty times. I make mistakes and I have great achievements. But they are all MY responsibility.
Once you take responsibility for your own actions and behaviours your life will change - and it will change for the better.
Trust me.